(instrumental intro)

I was riled that my Poppy
Was out of power so long.
So I followed his footsteps
Like a favorite son.
One day I lay down, smirking;
I read the newspaper in bed,
And in the personal columns,
There was this letter I read:

"If you like free trade with China,
And plan to topple Hussein.
If you're hot after NAFTA,
And you can't stand McCain.
If you like kissin' up the Far Right,
And the dudes who preach hate,
Then I'm the thug that you've looked for
To be your running mate."

I knew it had to be Dick Cheney.
I know it sounds kind of mean.
But when you think of Dick Cheney,
Who else could be so insane and Right-wing?
So I wrote to the paper;
Took out a personal ad.
And though they think I'm a dimwit,
I thought it might impress Dad:

"Yes, I like free trade with China.
I'd like to topple Hussein.
I'm not much into health care.
I like ill-gotten gain.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon,
And cut through all this red tape,
At a ranch down in Crawford,
Where we'll plan our estates."

So I waited with high hopes,
And he walked in the place.
I knew his sneer in an instant,
I saw the chins on his face.
It was that big lovely Cheney
And he said, "You're a fake."
Then we laughed for a moment,
And we said, "Let them eat cake."

Yes, we like free trade with China,
We'd like to topple Hussein,
And the feel of the money
In a well-run campaign.
Yes, we like kissin' up the far Right
And the dudes who preach hate
We're the bozos you've looked for
To come and seal your fate.

(repeat last verse twice and fade out)

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