(* Idiot's Questionnaire) 
The following is a "general knowledge" geological I.Q. test designed to test the intelligence and intellect of most earth science majors.  HINT: The correct answer to Question 1 is not "a."
1. The oldest known Earth rock is:
a. 6,000 years old
b. Fred Flintstone's car tire
c. on the moon
d. extinct
e. of no particular importance

2. The geological feature located under George Washington's nose at Mt. Rushmore is:
a. a pillow lava
b. the Great Booger Formation
c. graffitti
d. a hornet's nest

3. Below the water table, there is (are):
a. legs which hold up the table
b. ground
c. mud
d. little men of the wetlands (Artesians)

4. A well-known geologist once said:
a. Yes, I agree somewhat
b. No, he's full of schist
c. I'll have to take that with a grain of halite
d. It's clear as mud

5. Define the lithosphere:
a. a new attraction at Disney World
b. a ball of rock
c. a heavy part of the atmosphere
d. a geologist's hangout

6. What is true about the Greenhouse Effect?
a. it helps plants grow
b. it helps only jungle plants grow
c. it requires no glass houses
d. it's a lot of hot air

7. Fossils are evidence of:
a. nothing we care to know about
b. a lot of dead animals and plants
c. geochemical systems
d. years of study by unemployed paleontologists

8. What causes outgassing?
a. earthquakes
b. unstable atmosphere
c. too much ingassing
b. too much spicy food

9. An incompetent rock may be described as:
a. a disgrace to all silicates
b. a stone that can't break windows
c. a stone that should be fired
d. a material upon which you shouldn't build a beach house

10. "Lay of the land" is terminology relevant to:
a. topography
b. sociology
c. pornography
d. lexicology

11. As opposed to dune sand, beach sand is:
a. more sordid
b. lied upon
c. full of quarts
d. more fun

12. What is true about schist?
a. it is not gneiss
b. it stinks
c. you get it from teachers, bosses, and parents
d. it can become bullschist

13. What is true about arkose?
a. it is a crummy sandstone
b. it is a crumbly sandstone
c. it is the state rock of Arkansas
d. it is a flood deposit discovered by Noah (Noah's Arkose)

14. Yellowstone got its name from:
a. weathered volcanic rock
b. animal waste
c. nuclear waste
d. drunks with weak bladders

15. When a volcano erupts, what emergency measures should be taken?
a. run like hell
b. put your camera away
c. avoid breathing ash
d. run to the nearest phone, and dial C-A-L-D-E-R-A

16. Why do earthquakes occur?
a. due to a shakeup in the underworld
b. the Great Slinky underground reached its elastic limit
c. because of fault-line saboteurs
d. Godzilla's displeasure

17. What is a tsunami?
a. the name of a new roller coaster ride at Great America
b. a Japanese seafood delicacy high in water content
c. a big wet surprise
d. none of the above

18. The difference between a sedimentologist and a beach bum is:
a. one has sand in his mouth while the other has sand on his mind
b. one looks for sorted things in the sand, while the other thinks of sordid things to do in the sand
c. one studies wave action, while the other sees action in the waves
d. one uses a board with the surf, but the other is never bored with the surf
e. all of the above

19. What is a horst?
a. a beast of burden for geologists
b. a dead horse
c. a serious fault
d. something you had better graben before it gets away

20. Creationism has its merits because:
a. it makes you feel young
b. it makes you feel creative
c. it treats age-old problems seriously
d. it makes you wary of geologists
e. it makes you weary of science

21. Petrology is:
a. the study of petroleum
b. the study of pet rocks
c. for rockheads
d. boring

22. Polar wandering is described as:
a. paths taken by lost Eskimos
b. migration of Arctic bears
c. migration of Antartric penguins
d. wooden sticks which walk around
e. phenomena producing dizzy compasses

23. Why were the dinosaurs so successful?
a. they were the biggest and best
b. they were the smartest
c. they read Fortune magazine
d. cavemen hunters were incompetent
e. Hollywood myths die hard

24. What is the difference between aa and pahoehoe?
a. nothing - it's all Greek to me
b. nothing - it's all Hawaiian to me
c. six letters
d. one word is easier to pronounce
e. nothing - you'll lava them both

25. Metamorphic petrology is:
a. the study of all kinds of schist
b. an irrelevant subject in the Midwest
c. taught during the final week of a petrology course
d. boring
e. responsible for many unemployed hard-rock geologists

26. The purpose of geology field camp is:
a. to test your personal tolerance for ticks and mosquitos
b. to demonstrate your ability to deal with rattlesnakes
c. to learn how to balance a 20-ft. stadia rod
d. to get you lost in the wilderness while you fumble with your Brunton compass
e. to remind you that nothing that you learned in the classroom can help you in the field

28. Sinkholes are caused by:
a. incompetent rock
b. incompetent construction workers
c. overuse of caustic drain openers
d. sharp objects dropped in sinks

29. The name of Fred Flintstone's boss was:
a. Mr. Schist
b. Mr. Granite
c. Mr. Slate
d. Mr. Graywacke
e. Mr. Conglomerate

30. According to creationists, the most ancient era of earth's history is:
a. 6,000 years ago
b. 10,000 years ago
c. "In the beginning..."
d. the Arkean

31. This test was:
a. an exercise in futility
b. an exercise in ability
c. written by Bill Tong & Dave Zolla
d. finally over
e. c & d

This tongue-in-cheek quiz appeared originally in April Fool's issue of The Rocky Times, March-April 1989