5000 N. Nowhere
Pitswamp, IL 61729
(309) 634-5789

OBJECTIVE:  Jollygist/Hydrojollygist/Geo-anything

EDUCATION:  Hinterland State College, Oxbow Lake, IL. Currently enrolled in Masters Degree program in Earth Science, with concentration in water-tasting. Program emphasizes hands-on training in standard laboratory procedures such as sniffing, sniffling, wetting, and getting. Water quality and chemical evaluations are done by other people. Field trips to trash heaps, sludge pits, and other points of interest were held in classes labelled stratigraphy and coastal engineering. Other topics of study include use of actual well logs, split logs, flow nets, fish nets, piezometers, and pizza.

B(ull) S(chist), Earth Science (Geology), Normal University, Chicago, IL; August 1983

A(patite) S(chist), Environmental Science, Marilyn Monroe Community College, Rachacha, MN; June 1981

SPECIALIZED COURSEWORK:  Hydrojollygy, Engineering Flood Geology, Environmental Impact Geology, Soiled Science, Coaster Engineering, Flood Stratigraphy, Sentimentology, Unstructured Geology, Geological Mope Interpretation, Field Day Geology, Plate & Saucer Tectonics, Bored Deposits, Impractical Mineralogy, Pet-Rockology, Marine & Salt Water Aquarium Geology.

SUPPORTING SCIENCES: Alchemistry (12 hrs.), Unclear Physics (12 hrs.), Mathematics through and through (18 hrs.), Computed Science.

WORK EXPERIENCE:  September 1985 - April 1987
PHYSICAL SCIENCE LABORATORY PEON, Normal University. Responsibilities included painting minerals by numbers, maintenance of good disposition, equipment get-up, inventory, cracking rocks, cracking jokes, cutting minerals, cutting farts, smelling the air and growing hair.

March 1985 - June 1985
FLUNKIE/SEWER RAT, Waste-Ful Monitoring & Technologies, Inc., Nile, IL; industrial waste water pollution, collected sewage samples in the field using bare hands and old plastic buckets, performed installation of mousetraps and sandbags.

ORGANIZATIONS:  Geology Club, Hinterland State College. Active participant in activities, field trips, and student corruption.

REFERENCES:  I. M. Stone, Lab Technician, Hinterland State College, Phone: (888) 634-5999
Dr. Limey FitzMarble, Professor of Geology, Normal University. Phone: (888) 559-9191.